(author unknown)
The cat does not barf hairballs; he is a floor/rug redecorator.
The cat does not break things; she helps gravity do its job.
The cat does not fear dogs; they are merely sprint practice tools.
The cat does not gobble; she eats with alacrity.
The cat does not scratch; he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator.
The cat does not yowl; he is singing off-key.
The cat is not a "shedding machine;" she is a hair relocation stylist.
The cat is not a "treat-seeking missile;" she enjoys the proximity of food.
The cat is not a bed hog; he is a mattress appreciator.
The cat is not a chatterbox; she is advising me on what to do next.
The cat is not a dope addict; she is catnip appreciative.
The cat is not a lap fungus; he is bed selective.
The cat is not a pest; she is attention deprived.
The cat is not a ruthless hunter; she is a wildlife control expert.
The cat is not evil; she is badness enhanced.
The cat is not fat; he is mass enhanced.
The cat is not lazy; he is motivationally challenged.
The cat is not underfoot; she is shepherding me to the next destination, the food dish.
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